Hi, my name’s Dyta Dian Nirmala. I was born 20 years
ago as the first daughter of a Javanese family. Firstly first, I am going to
tell you. I was not born in a religious family and environment. You know,
twenty years ago, the tradition of the family is the most important thing to be
remembered and saved. Even though sometimes it’s clearly against the religion,
but the family still holds it tightly. My parents got married at a very young
age, my Mom was at 19 that time. A young
age where she was still looking for her identity and what she likes. Maybe this
is one of the reason I understand why my parents was not a religious person,
they were having fun. I as a daughter, haven’t being told about those things.
They never taught me what I have to do, who I am, how to do a prayer, how to be
a good muslim. All I got is just to accept and believe what they have given to
me.
Honestly, I feel free living a life like that. I have
no burdens. My parents just let me be my way, they let me live my life and find
my own identity and what my life purpose is. Even when I know that I have to do
prayers five times a day, no one’s ever gonna get mad at me. Well, that exactly
makes my ego grows bigger. However, they always teach me about life. How to be
a strong person, because life is not just about what you are believing, it’s
about how hard your struggles are. It would be a waste of time when you just
praying without doing any actions. This tiny bit grows in my mind that actions
are the most important thing to get what I want.
Then, everything has changed when I began to enter
this university. An Islamic University. I swear I never imagine that I would be
here today, the place that at first I do not want to be in. It was like a
nightmare for me. I chose this university just by accident actually, because I
think I would not pass the test. Amazingly, I did it. So, yeah, I entered this
university in 2016, and from the very first day, it changed my life FOREVER.
A day before, I lived in my own home, and since that day,
August 2016 I think, I got to live in a place called “mahad”. A day before, no
one’s ever going to wake me up really early, JUST TO DO A PRAYER. I’ve never
done that in my entire life. I mean, I am not used to do that, though I do not
remember the du’a. Then here, I got to wake up at 04.30 a.m just to do a
prayer.
“Oh my God, this is the worst thing ever.” I said.
I was really really really embarrassed, when I saw
that everyone’s wide awake with a happily face while I am still on my blanket
angrily. Oh I wished this place would burned forever. Happy ending. But I strengthen
my self that everything is fine, it will be fun. At least, this is my
responsibility.
But days are getting harder than I thought. After prayer,
I have to do a morning class in mahad called “ta’lim”. Oh my god can I just go
to sleep and finish my dream?!! What is this?!!
I couldn’t accept the reality. After ta’lim I started
my lectures, ah, finally I get what I want. It ended at around 12.00 a.m. I
took breakfast, then I found the part I hate the most. There is an Arabic class
that I need to pass if I want to graduate in time. This class called “PKPBA”. This
starts at 02.00 p.m – 04.30 p.m. Continued by mahad activities, and the began
again the Arabic class at 07.00 p.m until 08.00 p.m. ALL of these routines
repeated again and again everyday. Can you imagine how bored I was???
There comes a day when I just sit and cry at my room
because I really hate the activities, even the people, I was all alone. I
called my mom often, and crying and saying that I want to quit. I do not like
being here, it’s disappointing. But she told me a big NO.
“You are strong, I am so proud of you please do not
let me down. Learn from it, be a better person. Solve your soul.” –my mom said.
Living in this environment, where everything is
related to religious thing, actually is a good thing for me. I learned how to
remember my creator, how to say thanks to Him, to know who I am and what I live
for. I also learn many things, it really educated me. You know, I never know
what or how sholawatan is, and here now I know. But I still hate how people
forced me to do those things, I felt like I lived in a prison.
Alhamdulillah, those routines only go in a year. A year
next I moved to a new place. And I do feel very different. A normal life where
no one care when will I wake up. And guess what happened? I sometimes really
miss those moments in mahad!
I miss reciting a holy qur’an together, doing prayers
together, late night talks with girls,
doing home works together… that was very unforgettable.
It changed my mind that a Islamic University is a
nightmare. NO. This is the best place to learn about life. Though how ever it
depends on your character, can you accept a new thing or not. How your
perspective reacts to this, and so on. In this case, I say Alhamdulillah and
proud that I am here today.
Well, I do not say that I love this place, but surely
it is a unique and fun place. I learned that there are many things in life we
need to explore more and study. Life is never flat.
Me.
Finally can smile, 2016-2017.
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